Not Moving but...

I have cold again, it's making me crave for chocolate fudge cake. Thanks to the cold my post count at KMB has dropped :(. I hate cold…

Pkblogs has gone crazy, it's annoying me. I cant post any comments on my blog, I can only read them because I get them on mail..

I am using Olympus FE-100 which is a 4.0 megapixel AF camera, all my photos on http://www.flickr.com/photos/jamash/ are taken from the same camera.

I am not moving to http://jamash.wordpress.com but I am planning to use it for some time.

I feel like crap.

All this nothingness is killing me, I am bored to death, I need to get out of this shell, I need to explore my self. And no I did not call Sabahat, to get me fixed with a director, and I never will.…. and yes I want to make a documentary but I need something more then a handy cam and I need a good sound recording system not the one which comes built in with the little handy cam… and I desperately need a DSLR and no I am not going to do back breaking web designing work just to sell a web site for 500 only…..

Ooh God I am so twisted ……, I need to get out, I need to do something, sitting at home all day and being able to do nothing is killing me bit by bit, like I am being slow poisoned, the shyness and loneliness in mounting, the drugs which were supposed to make my cold go away are making me miserable, my head is aching like hell and I need to get my self up and started…. Damn My life is Crap..

Somebody please push me off a cliff or drop me down from a multi story building, or can anyone just jump start me ? ……. Ooh !!! I sound so pathetic … :( *sob*.

A Dozen Useless Things I bought Today.

I bought a dozen of useless things today. Here's the list,

1. A baby rattle for which I don’t know where to find a baby,

2. A USB vacuum cleaner, which just makes a lot of noise and works not a bit

3. A Pack of incense sticks which are making my allergy even worst,

4. A set of bowl mugs which can hold around 800 ml of coffee for me,

5. Four packs of post it notes while I already have 4 new packs,

6. A pack of pencils and I already have new pack

7. Telephone index and yes I already have a large one, a pocket size and an extra digital.

8. A pack of ribbon, this one was actually to play with my cat but the ribbon is giving off paint so I don’t know what to do with it

9. Two 2007 calendars, yeah it not new year yet and I will surely get least about five complimentary calendar before the new year will even start, but yet I had to buy them.

10. A big red wrench and I already have two in my tool box.

11. A strobe light for my car but I hate it and will never really use it (They look so cheep :( ).

12. A litter of ice cream, I wont but my uncle will sure eat this one :)


Yeah I am not yet off the drugs, The antihistamine makes me dizzy, it makes my life miserable, I cant even think straight…. I hope this explains the crazy shopping list above.

Damn cold ! .

I have cold, a horrible cold, my nose is bright red and my eyes are red too! I cant type or think.. *Snif* *Aaachoooo*!#@#@$#^%

I want Crab corn soup, Lots of crab corn soup, lots n lots n LOTSA SOUP ..
*Snif* *Snif* *AAaaaCHoooo*

Ooh I hate Cold..

Rain Karachi Rain !

It rained pretty well in Karachi, I enjoyed it and the weather is also cold now :), yeah I hated the power breakdowns but they were not all that bad as it was raining !! :)

I was listening to FM103, I almost never listen to this radio channel but there was no power and my other was not doing very good with batteries FM 89 was not available to me and 91 had Captain Safeguard on it so I switched to anything with clear reception.

After a song or two a caller called in this radio channel and said "our nazims have been saying that everything is in control, ask them to step out of their house, Our houses are flooded with rain water, there is no electricity and the roads are looking like rivers, tell these nazims to stop fooling us"

Then after a while when the electricity was resumed, a caller on a local channel reported that the roof of nazimabad Underpass has collapsed I am not sure if that is true but yes the rains have proven that we do need a water sewage system and we need to learn to make stronger roads..

And I have taken a few snaps of the road near my house, I have sent some to a news paper and will check if they get printed tomorrow if not will upload them too with the rest I will upload on Flickr :)

When ever I say the word Flickr It brings a smile on my face :) ..

Yesterday was a new day.

Yesterday, I almost died, I thought I lost my camera for ever, yeah I am broke and don't have much money and at a time like this when you come to know that the only tool that makes you feel alive has been stolen is really like a stab right through your heart, But yesterday was the most wonderful day of my life because not only that I got my camera back but I also know that my friends are there for me :) … yeah a friend gave me a flickr Pro account :) .. And I am really happy ..

Ooh.. I did not tell ya how I lost and found my camera… well it was with me in a small handbag and I was in a party, it was more like a small gettogather and I left my hand bag on a couch, where a lady who is known for steeling things and is a distant relative of ours (well she is not actually related ) was sitting any how she had almost slipped in in her purse when someone noticed and rescued it.. I was home by that time and was really depressed and sad :( .. Which is when I went online and started talking to "I" and "S" , "I" gave me a lot of courage, even made me laugh , I felt really good while on another messenger window "S" also helped me out and made me realize that material items don’t really matter and then "S" did what I never thought any one would do for me :) .. Yeah She gave me a Flickr Pro .. And after that I forgot all the pain and I was happy that I have such good friends... this is when the power went out, as it was also raining and some time later I came to know that my camera (and my Mp3 player , yeah that was also in the same bag) is safe :) ..

The whole episode was a lesson, I have to be a bit more materialistic or I will continue providing almost free services to my clients, I also learned that I should make money where I can, and I also realized that unlike old days I now have friends who really care for me :) and I also learn that materialistic items don’t have much powers to make me happy but friends who really care for do :) ..

Thank you "S" :) for the most wonderful gift ever and thank you "I" for all the moral support

Sadly the most depressing post ever.

I was cleaning my room today, and I found some of the newspaper clippings I had collected some time ago when I was thinking of joining an NGO, It was end 2004 and beginning of 2005.

Warning !! The news Chippings are highly depressing :

Dec 23, 2004, Daily Times Pakistan, Article by Shahzad Raza:

Clerics involved in 1% Child abuses, Statistics revealed that 1218 children were sexually abused during Jan 2004 To Sept 2004.
Majority of cases went unreported,

93 girls and 59 boys sexually abused were up to the age of 10.

434 cases of sexual abuse occurred at acquaintances' places and 179 at the victim's home.


24 Dec. 2004 - Dawn -

Gujranwala: Rapists Kill victim on way to court:
A 22 year old College girl who was gang raped lost her life.

2nd Dec - 2004 - Dawn -

Mithi : Minor Girl Assaulted

According to FIR: 10 year old 'S' daughter of 'R' was grazing goats when a man form a nearby village assaulted her. Her younger brother ran to his house and informed their relatives. The victim was later found un conscious with blood stains on her cloths.

The doctor who examined the victim told that the was not raped but an attempt was made.


22 Sept 2005 - Dawn -

A girl 'S' was reportedly rapped by the husband of the school owner, the school to which she had gone to study, in illahabad village.


Human rights Commision's Appeal : 17 May 2004 .

Date of incident 6 April 2004,
Place of incident : Shans-Ul Haq's Dairy farm, Rahwali, Punjab,
Victim : Two and a half Year old daughter of Mr. Munir Masih

The case was reported on the day of crime at the cant Police station, Gujranwala, Punjab.

20 Dec 2004 - Pak tribune

4.5 % Children daily sexually abused in Pakistan,


13 Jan 2005 - DAWN -

Karachi : a 9 year old was raped and killed by three men in shanty town, Orangi, Karachi.

Police arrested 2 of the criminals while one managed to escape

The girl had gone to a tandoor to buy Bread (Nan), when she did not return home her father went to the tandoor where he found the cloth she had taken with her, .. Her father when removed a pile of burning wood discovered a partially charred body of the 9 year old.


31 Oct 2004 - Dawn -

Toba Tek Singh : Six year old girl raped.


25 Dec 2004 - DAWN

Muzaffarabad : a 17 year old gang rape victim, sets her self ablaze and dies .


14 November 2004 - Karachi - 1 Shawwal

Two sisters were home alone while their family members were gone for Eid shopping on Chand Raat..

Shazia 22 and Irum 30, were raped and strangulated in their house by the robbers.

-----------------------------------------------------------

am crying right now, and I have cried every single time I have read these clippings.

I Begged an Islamabad based NGO to send me public awareness posters in soft copy so that I could help elevate awareness level among parents for prevention of Child sexual abuse..
They never responded back .

There are hundreds of NGOs working for women's right here. . None are willing to provide physiological support to rape victims, so that they can deal with the rape aftermath

The corrupt Mullahs, NGOs and politicians, MAY all burn in hell for eternity, for their sins…

As Messy As It Gets !

I have been lazy, or may be I am too caught up with my own self.. I know I have not written here since long .. :(.. I have written many pages but they are just sitting in my One Note and now I just don’t feel like uploading them :( ..

I want to have an experience with film making but I don’t know how and what to say to saqib.. I cant just pop up in his mail and tell him that I don’t know a thing about film making and I want to help you,,, yeah that would be silly.. Will figure out a way to talk to him

I had been enjoying the Egg Plant and yogurt sauce my mom makes with rice for three days and it all finished now … I want more of it will beg tomorrow :P

Ok what else is new ? ! ? ! ? !

Same old me, nothing much that has changed… I wanted to go to this art exhibition but thanks to the Diversions, Traffic jams and VVIP movements I changed all my plans :( .. Not going to Mohata palace, Arts council, or Chokhundi .. EEERRRRrrrr I am bored to Death and I want to go out. .. Yeah I know some one offered to let me in at Expo to see all the weapons but I don’t want to feel even more depressed :(.. Not interested in watching bullets and guns.. Yeah if you want to show me pigeons you are most welcome :) …

Ooh !! Pigeons Always remind me of Jamil Naqsh ….

AAAhhhh YESSS !! I cleaned My Office :) .. It’s now a casual Office :) with no dust, plenty of space to sit and chat, I even fixed speakers in my Office PC :D .. I am so Happy.

It's 2 am, I am hungry, yeah I Magic corn would have been an option available I would have gone for it but I have Hobnob's carrot cake and brownies :) .. Will have them both a bit with milk in a while

Ooh God this post is as mess as my room, I know I am hopping from topic to topic endlessly and I can do it for another hour till My hours will get all used_up and I will drop dead, to be found in the morning sleeping over my keyboard. So I spare you the boredom .. *Blink* *Blink*

Bye Bye, and I will haunt you again with my Blog, very soon it's a promise

More about my Cat :)

My cad played the whole day and night last night he chassed me around pounced on my shoulders, even scratched my arm, he broke a cheep porcelain pot and dropped a paper weight, he even walked over the cupboards and tried to pay our freezer a visit, but we don’t let cats in there.

Our neighbors house just behind hour house is spooky, They are weird people, more weird then myself. They sleep all day they watch Star plus all night. They are just husband and wife, they never clean their house and there house serve as a breading ground for lizards, Lizards which often end up in our loo.
I obviously hate the idea of being confined in a cubical with a frantically running, Once a lizard had fallen on my head, Once it felt in front of my and I , with a reflex action Swashed it with my hand and it went flying across the backyard and landed in front of my auntie, who in return screamed, and the lizard fainted.
So my cat has been after these lizards and in the past 10 days he has managed to take down at least 6 of them, I don’t think there are any left, and thanks to my cat our loo can be used in peace now.

Silence

Sometimes I ask silly questions like where I can get magic corn at the oddest hour? and when there is no one to answer I feel that deafening silence around me, the silence which has been with me since long.

Crazy, creepy, weird me !

The boredom and lazyness has been keeping me at snail's pace. I have done almost nothing lately, I am sad.

Practicing art and learning while being out of the institution is the toughest job in the world, there are so many aspects, dimensions forms shapes of art that covering every one of them, even only briefly is near to imposable. Yeah Rabia appa Asked me several times to join KSA, I every time I said no, I am a stubborn person and may be stupid too.

Had the best time at Nandos last night . It was something I needed since long, I needed some time to ease my mind, to enjoy and relax, I had been waiting for a blackfish performance since EID but this was far more fun :). But I don’t know why Nandos People wanted to freeze us to death, I was shivering and so was everyone else, was like eating dinner in a refrigerator, I wonder if they are planning to spray snow on us the next time we visit them :P.

I have to work on Tahir Bhi's website, and there is that sports magazine webpage and that group of artists who want me to submit my CV and a few pics. Ooh so much to do. I moved the Iron Cupboard, with the help from the Ac Wala people upstairs, I am all covered in dust and I look like a monster. Have to eat something, will fix a home tuna sub for my self, will gobble it with some ice tea and will take mom to Khala.

Searched all my closets and found nothing in spare last night, will ask my cousins. They usually never cooperate when we need help which is somewhat good for me, makes me more tough and strengthen my faith in my thoughts and views even more.

I am a practical feminist which makes me even more weird then I am. I don’t leave my seat for ladies but do for old people, I don’t believe in "Ladies first". I tell them to standup for them selves and they give me a creepy look. I see in that their eyes, they think I have lost my mind, hehe :D I am a crazy creepy person :P …

Just realized, I wrote more for KMB then I ever did for my self : .. I am obsessed with Karachi.

More of Me and My Life

The most discomfort I feel is at times when girls hit on me. Finding me when I am alone and trying to start conversation with senseless questions like what happened to the painting you were completing ? " hey what painting was I completing !? " then instead of saying some thing asking another question, Have you finished working on your library ?? …. "I was never working on my library, the last time you visited it was as complete as it is today…" *Sigh*

I am also reading two books at a time and it is really confusing for me, I am switching between "In the line of fire" and "Honor Killing" Two different topics and also reading herald and Aurora .. Yeah no one can beat that ..

Last night my cat started playing at 3:00 am.. He went up to the cupboard and pounced on me while I was sleeping. Yeah I had no other choice but to throw him a few balls and fight with him till he went up on the fridge to sleep.. Well he slept but I stayed up till another hour and got back to sleep around 5 ..

People are visiting and if they are not we are visiting them, life will be back to normal in a few more days. I Hope.

Me, Sleepy Me *yawn*

Ramdan had been really tough on me, I was hardly having any sleep, I went hardly anywhere, I did nothing just slept and did a few things which I could not avoid. I have stacks of photographs on my computer which I had taken throughout Ramadan, I am processing them and uploading them one by one. I spent not a single dime on Eid shopping, I bought nothing but just a few books. Yeah I went to Tariq Road not to shop but to take some shots of the market but I was so tired and mom at home had some fever so had to rush back home within an hour.

Eid is over, yesterday me and mom had visited my Khala, and today they all visited us, all my cousins one by one, it was a good, I snapped a lot of pictures, mainly of children, will upload them soon for friends :).

Right now, I am really tired, I think I have cold, I had sent a mail to Mr. Anand Patwardhan, I wanted to write so much but I am so tired that I cant even type well. I will hopefully be back to my usual routine soon.

S called today wanted me to come to come to Aag on Monday but I refused. The first thing I want to do Is to visit Mohata Palace, I am planning this trip for Monday, I hope nothing comes up to ruin my plans… While S and I were talking H came to visit me and he realized that I knew people at Aag and since then he is begging me to get him an internship there. I know he only wants to make quick money and thinks being a director or a script writer is really an easy job. Also he is interested in hitting on girls, I know H he is a big flirt. I cant get him any where on my recommendation but he wont understand he has already called me 3 times in six hours. Dear H you stabbed me so hard that I am still bleeding and you want me to recommend you so ruin my reputation and flirt with girls….. Forget it. But on a second thought , I think I should get him an internship some place where girls can castrate him, really a person who says his Khalla is hot and turn's him on deserve worst then that. I hope you are reading this H.

My cat broke one of mom's vase last night, She was sleeping on her bed in the drawing room ( Please don’t expect me to explain the bed in the drawing room ) when at around 3:00 am, I heard a crash sound, Followed by my mom's voice crying ' Ooh you darn cat, You Broke my vase, I was so beautiful and it's not in the market now" .. I ran to the drawing room and saw my mom sitting up on the bed with both her hands on her head….. The cat was under the sofa by then. About 5 minutes later I was done cleaning the glass, and mom was hugging the cat, telling him not to be scared and she will get a better vase to replace the broken one … :)

If I don’t sleep now, I will probably dose off right now with my head on the key board. I am sleepy, I have cold, and a headach.. Will hopefully post something more sensible when I will get back to my senses…

Talking to my self.

I am a bad man, I don’t want to hurt people but at times when I say short sentences people translate them in negative. I don’t know why I do this. I guess things left unexplained are often taken as a sarcastic remark. I don’t why they think this way or why I do that, Is it my fault of theirs… I guess it's what keep's me kicked out of the social circles .. But why do people find the absolute negative from a simple question or comment or thought… I am not meant for this world all right… Can I live my life with a paper bag on my head… I am an emotional fool, they know it they use me and dump me away… Ooh the whole society this is Crap and they think I am crap…. Funny they see me as crap while I see them as crap, it's all crappy.. I am numb, my brain aches… why does it bother them when I carry an old mobile phone…. Why does it bother them when I talk about social problems they want to keep denying… why the hell they think I will take over their business… why the hell they think I will spoil their children by getting them a pizza while they get the same every other day, why do they have to be kept away from me… when I said Bhabi (My cousin's wife) should learn driving why was I given that weird look and why the hell is she now learning to drive… what's the point in hiding your E-mail Id from me… why I am not replied back when ever I send greetings… did I wrote anything absurd ?.. Do I look really Really Ugly. Or am I really filthy… why don’t they give me a chance to take a snap of their 3 year old… and why do they think I am a fool to keep up my promises… why I go after strangers thinking they are my real siblings… any I get stabbed in the back every time… Why she thinks I am in love with her while i just need to be friends… Why giving her a ring at the are of 4 meant I was thinking of marring her (I was just 4, you bloody narrow Minded "People")… Why ladies think I am trying to impress them when I talk about women's right… why do they think I am laying when I say No I don’t have a Girlfriend and I don’t even want one… I am the only fool in this world who thinks this way or has the rest of the world lost it..

What the hell… I am not wasting my time for a bunch of fools…. If I am bad or ugly or vicious let me be, I know what I am and I damn care about others… Got to sleep have a Post for KMB cooking in my leetle Brain, Will serve it tomorrow will all the garnishing ;).. And ooh I really wanted to go to this art gallery today but I couldn’t think of driving just before Aftaar so I Sadly skipped an Aftaar invitation :(..so if you are reading this I regret being absent today and I really miss your beautiful cat, will surely visit in a day of two.

*Yawn* yeah I am literally ending almost all of my posts Yawning these days :P ..

My work at www.tahirsfoto.com is almost done .. I don’t think it's too bad for an 8 hours (2 days) work output.. I sure need working on my drawing skills.. "Take out some time you freak!!!", "I will I WILL! Just Give me some TIME…..

Just a freak show 'n' nothing more.

At last my routine is getting better, I am working at day time like normal people and not staying up all night long like vampires.

Wearing a Rs.5000 designer Kurta doesn't make people more respectful, but they never seem to learn. When they exit their Mercedes they expect everyone to respect them for that. Their version of success for us is to change to a better residency so their car could be parked with more convenience…. If you come here looking for a parking place please go else where, we are humans not a parking allay.

Hmm that reminded me of another one of the absurdities by the Backstabber friend of mine Mr.H . His uncle and Auntie live in the same house in the above portion, H (he was 17 at that time) walked on them without even knocking while they were having a privet moment, they were kissing and watching him in the room they quickly moved apart. His Uncle totally embarrassed received the envelope he had brought along with him and asked him to knock next time he plans to pay him a visit. The next day H tried to make the same kind of entry but only this time he found the door locked. The worst part is H narrated the whole event to me with great pride to make me feel better after he knew I had discovered about his back stabbings and I have no idea how he expected that to work. One can expect anything from a person who finds his own Khala (Auntie) sexually attractive *YUkhhh*. Yeah there is no end to human stupidity and absurdity and Thank God I got rid of him..

Today a lady at her home got killed for just Rs.100,000. Is Life's worth this amount of money or any amount of money, do we really care for the damn painted paper so much that we would kill a human, a mother, a wife just so we can have a few thousand. Sad, every year to celebrate Eid people go inhuman, do demons really celebrate something like Eid.

Yeah the world is a freak show, they say I am a show off because I drink coffee. I am proud that is why I don’t talk much, I am snobbish for I don’t eat Bun kabab and I am a spoilt brat that’s why I have a huge collection of Books.…
*blink* *blink* I don’t want to waste my energy on killing you so please walk back to the hell where you came from, Thank You!! And please try not coming back.

I Got the payment for the website I designed.. I am rich! I am Rich, Rich RICH rich all Rich.. I will get Da Mushi book for me now to make ma leettle Library BIGG…. But actually I have already paid for it and waiting for it to arrive at the book stall near my place. It saves me from driving all the way to Clifton.

*Yawn* Gota have a nap will get up in an hour :).

Doctors and the mess.

My routine is completely changed, Wakin up at 3:00 and after the so needed cup of coffee during the pre dawn breakfast I cant sleep till at least 2 pm, and when I sleep at 2 I wakeup at 5pm and I again stay up till about 1 am. And Right now my head feels like a big Pumpkin ….

My mom needs to see this new Doctor after Ramadan, he has also been recommended by my cousin, the problem is, I personally know him and I don’t feel comfortable popping into his clinic suddenly one day with my mom... It will be like screaming out laud " Hi friend! Look I brought My Mom to be your patient" .. WAAAAaaaa!!! I want to cry like a baby, I want to wear a Big paper bag to the Doc, Or maybe I will get a burqa :( .. Does any one know a book of do and don’ts of the society. I hope I will figure out something till the end of this month.

Well the doctor thing reminded me of something which will make this post huge:
A month ago My mom went for her regular arthritis examination and the doctor recommended her a few new exercises so we went to the physiotherapist's Office situated in the same clinic This physiotherapist is a Mullah, he is a very nice and soft spoken person. The bed which they use for physiotherapy was really dirty ,, he showed a us few excursuses and then asked me to lay down so that he could perform the excursuses on me. "She is the Patient" I said and he replied "she is a lady it doesn’t look nice, You lay down " and I exclaimed softly " Who Me ?! ". And he replied politely " yeah, take off your shoes and lay down " I though * On that dirty thing you call bed, No WAY!! * I Quickly replied in a reflex " Why don’t you lay down !! " Who me!!" he exclaimed , He looked totally confused then after a pause he said "don’t be afraid I am not giving you an injection, you are an educated person, I am not gonna hurt you ". * Ooh it's Not You, It was that filthy BED of yours I was avoiding you ^&%&%* I thought and with a smile I laid down. I drove back as quickly I could from the Clinic and the shower was the first place I stopped when I reached home.
I hate clinics, I hate filthy bedded Clinics.

It's 12:40 already, have to go sleep now need to be up at 3:00 am and have a meeting at 9:30 am .

Power breakdown

I don’t know if the electricity will remain available to complete this post, It started last night at around 3 am when the power went off, it was resumed at around 6:30 or something when is when I slept, I woke up at 11 and finished my morning cup of coffee by 12, which is when the power went off after six house of baking in the heat the electricity resumed at 6 and as soon as I switched my computer and went online it went off again for another 2 hours after which it came back for about 30 Minutes and went off again for another 2 hours. I had plugged in my mobile for charging in the morning when it was completely drained and I got it charged completely at about 10 at night.

Today after the first "Sehare" (Breakfast before the fast) I went online and they shut off the power for about 20 minutes but now the power is back and I hope it ramins this way.

I had composed an SMS for Ramadan greetings and in the haste have coppied and pasted the same to everyone I knew In Orkut. . The same message for every single person I know .. Looks weird. It's better to send nothing instead ..

It's 7: am. Now getting sleepy cause haven't slept the whole night ..

School days

Wait a minute I need to write this today, I want to write now. Pardon me for errors, might review tomorrow .

Saw my School (First School) Principal after ages today, remembered her saying " Books Bought from junk have no real value, you should not bring such books to the school " She told me that when I was in class 3 or may be 4, The subjected books was a journey of Prose and poetry comprising of stories like "Oliver Twist" and poems by writers like W.Blake. I knew she was wrong then, but then I couldn’t argue with her about this. Although her school gave me a lot, but it took a lot from me as well.

In class 4th, in my finals, I had fever and could not prepare for the test so I failed in one of the papers. After a test I was promoted to class 5th but I missed out 20 days of my new class, I had about 20 pages of Science homework to complete, the time given by the teacher was 5 days, after 5 day of hard work I submitted the assignment and it was completely cancelled out fro the writing was not too good, this time I was given 7 days to complete 30 pages. After 7 day on submission my work was instantly cancelled out again.. Now I had around 50 pages to write, I was really Bored of writing the same stupid again and again but I still had to .. At the end of the term I had the whole work in photocopy, my own notebook was about five times more filled then the whole of the class and I still needed to write the whole text again.

Because a teacher was just pissed off at me I had to repeat Class fifth. This was the worst time of my life, My old classmates including the niece of the principal were making jokes on me. New classmates were the devil's product, this was the most mischievous class of the school. I fell pray to the most notorious group of that class. During my favorite period of English literature they forced me to write a couple of sentences. To get them off my back and so that I could listen to the lecture of my teacher (She was Doing her PHD ) I wrote it for them on a dairy. They copied out the letters in my hand writing and wrote " Jamal Love XYZ" then they started blackmailing me. They shouted Jamal your XYZ during the class and I to keep their Mouth Shut gave them My Lunch Money..

Some time later there was a science exhibition, the Photographs of this event were on sale, They Bought XYZ's photos on my role number. Later I was caught and at the end of the term was thrown out of the school. I told the Principal everything, she knew my 6 year old record, I had never even raised my voice against any one but she didn't want to believe me.

Three years later I was in Metric in another school when the Brother of this XYZ paid my house a surprise visit, her sister (XYZ) was getting Fan mail and gifts, and he though I was the sender.. My parents investigated the case and it turned out that their apartment's watchmen used to get these gifts for some other person.. I was proven Innocent. The classmates I got in this new school were all cheep, their hobbies included watching through neighbors windows using a telescope to spy on girls, Obviously I couldn't hangout with them so I dumped them or I just stopped seeing them.

In all this chaos in life I lost all my friends, the good ones were left behind in the old school , the new ones were blackmailers or freaks. The ones I found afterwards were back stabbers.

I respect the Principal of my school very much But the fact that my principal never knew who I really was hurts me

also I respect the PHD teacher who is the reason I am who I am, but the fact that she thinks I was a jerk who hurt a girl by taking her Photographs kills me.

Who's fault it was, I don’t know. it's too late for anything

Ok the keyboard is looking like bits of marshmallows spread on a tray, I cant even move properly. I need to go to sleep.

Good Day Today !

Saturdays had been the worst days of the week for me, but today was different, after ages I had coffee with some actual people. I sure need to socialize more often.

Being an artist makes you too sensitive, It's a complicated feeling, I once cried while looking at a painting in an art gallery that's one of the reasons I always try to visit an exhibition when I can be alone with the art so that I can interact with the artwork.

Artists are freak, they all admit this at one point or another, and so am I. But I am thankful to Allah that I have been blessed with a sense to feel the soul. But am I an artist or just a freak, I don’t have a clue and maybe I never will.

The pink pill is workin, and I am getting dizzy, being dizzy is better then being depressed.

When I say I don’t have anything to blog what I really mean is that I don’t want to blog about something that is on my mind, Like just now I don’t have any thing to blog about.

I am Really tired right now, cant even type correctly .. Have to get some rest.

My Cat :-)

Cat :)
Originally uploaded by Jamash.

Well I had uploaded this image at on My flickr some time back, but the picture went unnoticed so today I decided to upload it on my blog as well :)

Anger

I don’t wanna write a single word, and I also don’t want to stop writing. I want cry, but I don’t know why. Saturdays has always been the worst day of the week, This day my expectations become high and in the end the day let's me down. I don’t believe in blood relations, At times I don’t believe there is any love left in humans, they are all heartless zombies walking on the face of this God Damn world in search of blood. These bloody demons who haunt you, who try to suck the life out of you, they are every where. Where ever they see a Human alive they quickly attach them selves to it and try sucking the life out of it.

I love Children, their innocence speaks of the beauty of Allah, Their smile brings peace, their laughter is music, I often visit the park and watch them play, laugh and enjoy. They touch the soul of the universe. How could anyone take away their innocence. The demons are after them too.

Women are beautiful, delicate because they have more feelings then men, and may be that is the reason the men have tried to dominate them. Men abuse them, they destroy them they shed their blood. Where is the honor in blood shed ? It is like strangling a baby girl to a slow death, the death which starts killing her when she is born and end's her the day this girl becomes a victim of honor killing. If you can not protect them then burn them all at once, lets end the Damn human race, lets end all humanity. But I know you cant do that because Not all is in your hand, you may think you have won the battle but one day, we will be standing right in front of you, while you will be shivering with fear and begging for mercy, but mercy will not come anywhere near you. Because you are not humans but amongst the demon who tried to challenge The Almighty. And For Sure you can't win.

P.S.I have mixed so many things together in just a single post they almost don’t make much sense.

want

I want a blueberry Muffin :( .. Get me one Please ..

Things I did Today.

Am I getting old at the age of 23 or is it 25 .. Who cares.

I was browsing through my old computer data which I had backed up on various Cds, I found my very first website which had won a price in the DWAN's Azadi competition in 1999. And guess what !! It's Still there at geocities .. http://www.geocities.com/jamash98/ .

Also I found a few of the poems I had written in school, yeah I Will post them soon.. I also found some email address which I don’t know who they belong to :(, I found 3 year's old PowerPoint presentations made for a project InfoTrain, some Flash source files and ton's of garbage …

I took apart the searing of my car. Washed every bit of it and again assembled it, it's working better:) tomorrow I will open it further to clean the indicator switch and the rest of the controls..

Ohh my!! I am really tired, I cant think straight and I can't type correctly, I wanna go to bed. ZZZZzzzzzzzz……...

The Mystery I Solved

Toy
Originally uploaded by Jamash.

I bought this old corsair aircraft from the flee market. Yeah, of course it's a small DINKY model and as it was bought from the flee market it was not whole, It looked like it had an accident but the pilot was all right so I ripped open the plastic cockpit to pullout the pilot, but he was too stubborn to even move. After thinking a while I used my teeth to grip his head and tried to pull him off his seat, I was concerned I might decapitate him but thankfully after trying for a while I managed to pull him out of his seat all in one peace. When my teeth released him in my palm I realized that I had chewed off one of his ear and his rubber head was a little bit longer then before also much to my surprise he had NO LEGS !!. When I further disassembled the plane I also found out that there were peddles and a lever present in the cockpit right in front of the pilot but the Rubber dummy was so dumb that he kept his hands folded.

With all this evidence in place I am sure it was the dumb pilot who turned this plane to a wreak.

Boredom !

Ooh great ! I was typing this blog in the address bar of my internet explorer ..

So it's been a while since I have written any thing here, the reason was the red nose that I had for the past few days. They say it was a cold but I believe that someone had changed my nose with a red one .. But I have my nose back know, yeah the original one .. At least it looks like the same on I had since I was born .. *Looks at my nose in the mirror* Yeah ! The genuine One ..

It's about 1:35 Am I am hungry so I am munching on the Squire Bits of wafer. I am feeling really sleepy because of the Button I swallowed as per my cousin's instructions .. He is a doctor and he always give me tiny little buttons to swallow and in return I not only fix his daughter's Computer but I also give her Cds which she feeds her computer.. .. That's called tit for tat … you make me swallow buttons n I will make your computer swallow Cdz ..

I have completely lost it .. I feel like typing A-Z while singing all the alphabets out loud "abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz" but it's 1:44 now and my mom will Literally kill me, and if she wont my neighbors, sure will…

So another day ends, Tomorrow I will wakeup, will take a cold shower, will upload something new and will take a few snaps will even sketch a few silly figures will get my car fixed and in the end will again be sitting on this very computer checking my mails or maybe writhing something a bit more interesting ..

*Yawn* ( I am actually yawning)

Roses are edible, will try em tomorrow .

Nostalgia

I was in class 5 then, she was leaving the school and the city for ever, It was her last day in the city and at school. We were all in the playground and she said good bye to all her classmate. Last in the line she held my hand and took me to the classroom, with tears in her eyes she gave me a peck on the cheek. Before I could absorb the moment, She left. I never saw her again.

I can't figure it out.

No! I am not insane,…. but talking to an imaginary sibling is not very sane, or Is it?....

Friends

They stab through my heart, all of them, when I least expected, they are not the friends I want.

Red !!

Used hand wash as face wash and had an allergic reaction.
Now I am all Red :( ..

What The $#&@ !!!

Comment posted for my Picture of Mint Leaves titled Crisp, Fresh and Wet. :
"sounds more like newly wed wife..... Crisp, fresh and wet."


*Blink* *Blink*


I wish You were a post My cat could scratch on, or Better make it, Your Tush, My cat Could Scratch on …
…. Errrrgh!!!

* Now I feel better * :)

Insane world !

Fruit Seller asked me to give him a chance on TV

Vegetable seller asked me to teach him to run computers

Principle of a college (and also a Government Servant) asked me to write an application for him.
The same Principle ended his another application to a company writing: "Yours Brotherly Mr.XYZ"* Yours Brotherly !.. God Damn It..* 'n' he gets a Brand new GreenNumberPlate Car for that ! …….

A KDA Employee with a Masters in Commerce requested me to teach him, to search on Google.

Our Gardner asked me to get him a VISA for USA.

My friends mom Asked when I told her the hard disk of the Computer used by her three 12, 13 and 18 year olds broke down: "who’s fault is it ? "

My Friend's mom Enquiring about the girl my mom was sending Zakat to Via My friends mom to Lahore:

Friend's Mom: "What is your relationship with her "
Mom : " I known her for 10 years "
Friend's Mom: " but she must be related to you in some way "
Mom: "No, I just know her "
Friend's Mom: " so you have a humanitarian relation ship "

Someone: "What Fine Arts has to do with web designing business, It's a complete waste of time, you should concentrate on your business only, don’t get your self divided."
Me Thinkin: *Look at your own son, he has taken up Stalking&DateingGirls as an Extra co Curricular Activity*


She Referred mom a Homeopathic doctor, Dr. Abc, after a visit to this Dr. Abc my mom told her that this doc is a quack and he does not even listens to his patients and he just looks at them and give them some sweet tablets. Here is what how she defended the bloody Quack:
" No, actually he is a very caring person so one day he begged God to bless him so that he could easily cure people, the next morning he found out that there was a Camera Fixed to his eye through which he could see inside his patents, and could tell what's wrong with them." * A Camera with X-Ray vision ! …., who ever told her this story must have read a lot of comics … *

Mom: I have a fever
She: how did you get a fever ?
Mom: I had a cold.
She: how did you get a cold?
Mom: I ate ice cream.
She: why did you ate Ice cream.
Mom: because I wanted to.

She had talked about N several times, I had also told mom a lot about N, also mom had a phone conversation with N too .. so when mom met N for the first time mom said
"Aap say Ghaibana Mulaqaat tow hoo chuke thee, aaj aap say mill ker bohat khushee huee"
Several days later N said to mom on the phone " Aap say woh ghaibana tow hua tha, aaj aap nay phone kiya to bohat acha laga "


On another occasion
She: "Computers are useless ."

Someone: "Blogging is a waste of time, Chatting is better."

My X-business partner: "Paintings are about Nudity, there is nothing more in them. "

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

My friends mom and She = H's Mom
Someone and my friend's father = H's Father
N = My friend's auntie
My Friend H = now My X- FRIEND

Rain's Got Me !

Rains have turned the whole city in a mess, I cant go any where, don’t have any thing to do, the phone line has disturbance and connecting to Internet is really hard, I checked my Gmail via my telenor GPRS..

Sometimes I envy the babies who can cry all they want and make there heart light..

Am I heartbroken, sad, angry or depressed, or is it just rain? what ever, I hate it.

I am hungry, I don’t wanna have cake, it's 2:15 am so I surely don’t want coffee. Ill just have a milk of glass, yeah " A Milk of Glass " that's how twisted my life is.

I have nothing to write, I need a punching bag which I can hit with an alloy baseball bat, or if I could just get a bat which I could let into my neighbors house while they are asleep and later watch them chase the bat with a bat….... Ooh God I have lost it.

"Jfkjhdskjfhk fhlkjdshfjhf" well this makes more sense to me then any of the above.

Ooh! what a waste of time.

More Randomness, Craziness n laziness !

All right, That's it, enough dealing with people who can twist anything you say and hold it against you.

I couldn't sleep the whole night yesterday, My cat kept jumping over the tables, threatening to break the vases on the table 'n' making me pounce each time something fell off the table. Thanks to the empty bottles placed strategically around all the fragile, there was no real loss. Today I will make him chase the ball so that he sleeps well all night.

I was on my bicycle and this man was standing right in the middle of a main (Two way) road tying his shoes, so to avoid being hit by the on coming traffic I decided to use the road behind him. As I approached him and at the exact moment when I was about to pass from beside him, he stood up. I quickly turned away from him but he was so determined to be hit by me that he even took a backward step towards me, still I managed miss him barely touching the fruit he was holding in a plastic bag. Yeah ! he still shouted on me and called me names :(.

I have designed and uploaded www.tahirsphoto.com today all within 4 hours, and I don’t like FAAA as the name of a future art college so I need a new name to suggest, n a good one.

*Phew* I still have so much to do, My room is a mess again, with Cdz, batteries, fries, pens, wrench, screw drivers, a can of WD40, riveter, news paper, tictacs and God knows what else on my bed alone. Now you must be wondering where I sleep, so there is an other bed in my studio which I am using at night to sleep on.

Yeah, laziness and randomness continues, its all an after effect of exams or maybe a part of my life. What ever, I like it.

Boring me wid oll da randomness

Ok My blog, I made you wait so much, I am Sorry but I am back!! Did ya miss me.

I am a blogger not a writer.

Exams have been long over, but they are still in my system, they have eaten up my creativity and have turned me into a lazy block head.

Today I have revealed a secrets on KMB, and if my ( Extended ) family members have read that they might be on their way with guns and roses, guns to kill me and roses for the later, but I really don’t care…. Ooh if I have managed to Confuse you, read my Comments at KMB on my own post …

KMB has been a good experience, I enjoy it when there is a difference of opinion it helps me learn more.

Umer Shreef is so cheesy that he can make a perfect mouse trap :), I can't say the same about Blackfish.. Yeah I may be wrong again ;)….. Aah I have to go fetch the Tickets tomorrow, I can't miss their performance for anything, I hope I don't.

Life really gets boring when you literally run out of friends or your friends run out on you, in my case the second one fits better, One of my friends is busy dominating the world :P, another one left his notsoperfect job to start photography (which he is really good at) , one has left for Lahore, one is in Dubai, One is going to London and the rest don’t read this blog of mine so I will not write about them.. It not good to talk behind people's back.

A "car wala babu" almost Squashed my leetle FX today with his new shining Civic, he was driving in the middle of a narrow two way road, heading towards me with a full beam, I had to run on the dirt road to save him, and he even called me names :( .. Maybe I should have let him scratch his Itch on my FX , I am sure he would not have been able to catch me because he did not had much space to turn back and run after me .. :P. But then again I am more human then he was..

I love all the randomness, and I have not much too say, so I guess it is pointless to bore you to death … so I'll write when something will come up.

* Yawn *

Half-baked Me :(

The textbooks , Notes, my Exam schedule, coffee, lots and lots of coffee, some radio, bit of internet, walls, my cat, my mobile phone which almost never rings and nothing to blog about.

Yeah I know this is the most boring blog of the world !!! ...... I am boring :( !

My cat wanna play with me 'n' I NEED Coffee and I get a glass of milkshake to drink :( !

Someone Please Plug Me In, I need to be recharged !!

* Yawn * I know I don’t make any sense ! have to get some sleep !

Beware !

Beware ! When you will be left with the last few breaths of your life, your guilt will haunt you.

Controversial but true.

Note: This was supposed to be a comment for someone's Blog.

People avoid Coeducation. Why? They think their kids will get spoiled .. The fact is in Coeducation boys and girls are trained to handle and respect each other but do we see that ? NO.

Is is Taboo to talk about love, rape, Sexual crimes, and about the Opposite sex in most of our families and if kids do talk, parents not only scold them but they forbid them to talk about such things at all saying " Bacha Bighaar raha hai " Does it help ? NO

Movies, dramas Show Glamour, the joys of love. To a person who is not even allowed to talk about the opposite sex openly in his house can he actually know what love is ? ,, He will think it's only about fooling about with each other?

Boys and girls are not allowed to see their friends belonging to opposite sex ? Do they Stop ? No! They feel more thrill in it and they don’t give their parents a chance to guide them what is wrong or right, and even if they will what will be the result .. We all know the answer for that ..

If a sexual crime is commuted with a girl we all say " Larki Kharaab hoo gaee " , It's all her fault and Now get her married as soon as possible ?. And we have good reasons not to file legal charges against the criminal. Sadly even I will not recommend it.

If a child sexual abuse takes place the blame goes to the kid, he/she is beaten up and is made to feel ashamed about it.

Today boys are physically and mentally abusing their girlfriends because they know their Girlfriend will not say a word to anyone, she will be too ashamed to tell her story.
That is why they are taking advantage of girls, teasing them, Haunting them, stalking them and abusing them.

There is a need to provide securities to women,
There is a need to educate people, tell them what is right what is wrong,
There is a need for a strong and foolproof legal structure against horrifying crimes like Rape, Child sexual abuse, manhandling of women, Honor killing, Forced marriages and other such crimes.

These crimes are very serious offences in Islam as well. I wonder why no one talks about these things openly?

I love the green of the grass.

Life is at standstill. Not a leaf around me is moving, I hear no sound, there is so much silence around me that it's almost killing me. There is not a single soul to ear my voice or to see the tears deep inside me, but there is this ocean, the sea by my city who listens every word I say and it takes all my sorrow to its depths and turns all my tears into it's waves and in return it gives me back a beautiful music in the form of the sound of waves crashing in to the rocks and it gives me loving hugs of cold breeze and makes me feel so light, so loved.

My heart is heavy, I want to visit you my Sea, I want walk by you alone, so we can talk for solitary hours. Ill shed these tears on your shoulder because at home, the grass I dwell on, can't take the salt of my tears, I know it will wither to brown, and I love the green of the grass.

Messy life 'n' every thing .

Messy life 'n' every thing.

Yesterday my car gave up on me, it turned out that we had installed in some fake Japanese plugs.

I have been home, and days have become long, there was just one exhibition a few days back at V.M Art gallery and that's it.

Sometimes I think that may be if I would have had a sibling or a close friend or a cousin to talk to, things would have been better.. But then I would not have been able to value relations, humans or friendships. Maybe then I would have been just another guy, I wouldn't have been Me then.

I have cleaned all the mess in my room today, It's clean but it looks a little empty. For no reason I have stored away my woodstalk and Peanuts characters in a small box marked "The Cute box: Contains oll ma Lowly stuff ", I have rearranged all my books and it turned out that I need to fix a few extra shelves to accommodated them all decently, I also learned that I will need a display for my collectable items (Coins, Currency , about 500 Stamps, worldWar II newspapers, platters and junk) and also I realized that I have a Big box full of items bought from the flee market and I don’t have a clue what to do with it.

Ooh! What a mess my life is, although I am the one who has collected most of it but, what ever.

Questions

Questions, Unanswered questions lots of them are floating in the huge space of my mind asking why friends have been stabbing me, Why relations don’t work for me? Why people wear beautiful masks ? Who killed me ? Who stabbed me so hard ? What am I ? Why do I fear? Why I care so much ? Why I feel their pain ? Why don’t they care ? Why tears are so heavy ? Why everything is blue ?

These Questions and many more of them are haunting me since ever, they are ringing in my mind, Floating there and crashing to the walls of my brain trying to make there way into the outside world.

Who will answer them ? And when ?

blogspot Unbanned Again

Blogs are unbanned again :) I am happy, I have edited some 15 links to different blogs in my favorites today and this is the third time I did so. I hope I don’t get to do it again

Cheep Commercialism .

The HUM TV Press add (visit my previous Blog) reminded me of an exhibition I visited about a year back. At that time Hum TV was newly launched and they had secured a stall at this exhibition, so I paid them a visit, their stall showed no information about the programs they aired, there were two ladies standing behind an almost empty counter with some distance from each other, in fount of them were small piles of key chains , pens and a couple of Mugs all with printed logos of Hum TV, As I picked up a keychain and a pen one of the lady at the counter near the pile quickly spoke: "The key chain's for Rs.25 and the Pen is for Rs.15 "
Me: "What ? You are selling Promotional Items !?"
Lady at the counter: " yes ! "Me: " And how much for the Mug ? "
Lady at the Counter: " Rs. 200 "
*As I started walking away from the Stall empty handed *
Lady at the counter " Won't you buy anything ?"
Me: " I am not paying for your Advertisement "

* Sigh *

Media Educates a Society, It has a responsibility to teach people Civic sense, But for that Media it's self has to be educated. And Art can't exist without knowledge, but there is no art it is all cheep commercialism.

Press Adds

Press Adds
Originally uploaded by Jamash.

Please view the full size Picture for detailed view

Super : Does this add say anything about the taste/quality of the Biscuit, It is plainly a reminder of the TVC.

Hum Tv: Matchis add just shows the host (ZQ) and" Apnay Andaz Say" just shows the host, The drama adds also don’t tell anything about the nature of drama just the Cast and the writer. .. Do they really expect to increase viewer ship Through that ?

Pakola: Apple Sidra can just be another Apple Juice, again the Add fails to say much about the Drink. The Dil Bola Pakola add is simple but still need some explanation, the " Hara Hara pakola Ice-cream soda " version was far better.

Djuice : the whole campaign is good, Thumbs are involved in SMS eyes are involved in MMS But among all those eyes what's that Cat eye doing ? ( See Bottom left )

Borjan: And finally the Dumbest of all takes the cake ( Or a shoe in this case ).. They are selling footwear but is the image or the tagline In any way connected ?

Read a related article By Muzaffar Manghi (JWT. Lahore) In May - June 2006 Issue of aURORA ( Pg 30 )

Albert Einstein - "Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one."

Solitude

"Kab tehyray ga dard aay dill, Kab raat basar hoo gee" By Farida Khanum had been playing on the loop over my mp3, while I rode my bicycle aimlessly for hours today.

I don’t want friends who want me to do their homework or need me to do the task they can't do their selves, I don’t want to answer any phone calls.

When ever the door bell rings I say to my self

"Phir koi aaya dil-e-Zaar! naheen koi naheen ,
Rah_roo ho ga, kaheen aur chala jaeey ga ,
Dhaal chuki raat, Bikharnay_laga taroon ka ghubaar,
Lar-Kharaney lagay aywanoonn may Khoabeda Chiraagh,
Soo gai rasta tak tak keh her-aik rah guzaar,
Ajnabee Khaak nay Dhundla_deyah Qadmoon kay Suragh,
Gull karoo Shmain, bard_hadoo maai-o-meena-o-ayaagh,
Apnay bay Khwaab Kiwardoon ko Muqafaal kar loo,
Aab yahan koi naheen, Koi naheen aaye ga."

I don’t want too see anyone I know, I don’t want to do anything, I don’t want to go any where, I want to sit in a complete solitude, so I can talk to my self.

I badly need a long solitary walk on the beach.

Life's fun !

My cat tried to snack on the lizard who was living peacefully in our garden until now, he spotted the little creature right on top of the tube light which was fixed to the wall above the window, My cat jumped on the open window pane and then he carefully placed himself half on the window ledge and half on the tube light. The lizard moved quickly away to the other end of the tube light and as my cat followed he completely shifted his weight on the tube light which sent the fixture and the glass rod crashing to the ground and my cat who was now hanging from the window Jumped to the ground, away from the wreckage. Alerted by the crashing sound I ran to my cat, The lizard by now, was away from his sight and behind a pot. I placed the cat behind the door and cleaned the wreckage, It was evening and I had to get the light fixed as it is the only light source for our garden and front yard, To add to my misery at the electric shop the electrician was not available and another customer (a bank Manager) was waiting for him since an hour to fix the fuse of his house. I bought a florescent lamp (Tube) from there and came back home, I knew I had to place this tube light else where or my cat will surely repeat the scene. I took out my tools and drilled 2 holes in the roof of our car porch, Stuffed the holes with wood plugs, secured the tube light fixture with Screws, wired it and finally fixed the tube to it and turned it on.

In these 2 days
I have been an electrician, A computer wiz (Fixed my uncle's PC), A web designer (have just finished uploading my clients site), A plumber ( Fixed a tap and sealed a year old bullet hole in our water pipe which was used to transfer water to the over head tank), a photographer, a car electrician ( Fixed a new cassette player to our car) , A chief ( I Cooked Chinese) and a junk dealer (A bought an old cattle from another Junk dealer for Rs.10 /=) .

Yeah I know you must be wondering " A BULLET Hole ! " .. I think I will explain it in my next post :) .

Thank you.

Early 1960z Morning 10:00 AM : (Thoughts)
" New year Night Tonight and I don’t have anything decent to wear! from the bounds of this hut I have to go to the dance party as usual, But today I must look different, I must smell Good, I must look Elite. Lets go shopping! But I have only 12 Ruppies in my pocket. "

An hour later at a shop:

I: "Show me those trousers and that blue shirt"
Him: " Jee Sahab"
I: "and give me that matching Coat as well"
Thought: " Looks good "
I: " Ok! lets pack it"
Him: " Acha Jee "

At another Shop :

I: " Show me these boots"
Thought: "will be perfect " .
I: " Ok please pack them "

Back at home: (Thoughts)

" Hmm,, lets iron these , No one will miss me at home tonight, they don’t care, Thank God the dance flour will be all bright and shiny today, *Sigh*

A few hours later at the dance flour:

She: "Mister Ahmed ! You look fabulous today! New Suit for the new year ? "
I: " Yes, Thanks for the compliments"
She: " Shall we dance ? "
I: "Sure "

3 AM in the morning : (Thoughts)

" Hmm .. Will I keep fooling my self with this shallow happiness, and others with old clothes and this cheap sample perfume " *SIGH* " Allah! Please help me"

15 Years later Sunday:

I: " Give me a cup of tea and then we will leave for the zoo "
Wife: " Hey you just had 2 cups, we are getting late"
I: " Just a single cup, then we will leave"
Wife: " Ok just a single Cup "
Son: " Papa we are getting late "
Elder daughter: " yeah papa, lets go "
I: " Ok lets go, leave the tea, Now everyone! Get in the car ! "

While driving to the zoo : (Thought)

" Thank you Allah "

Me, The Slayer !

You are a beast, you show mirages and when a person is completely spellbound at the sight of the water that he needs to quench his old thirst, you suck the very blood out of him. I know you, I know you hide behind the most beautiful faces. So beware, I will not let you suck my blood again, I will slay you, I will rip out your rotten and stinking heart, and I will make you eat it so you can feel it's ugliness - I will slay you so you don’t dare hurt another innocent soul ever again -

My Life - The Crazy Strings

Life - The Crazy Strings
Originally uploaded by Jamash.

My life's crazy, crazier then this crazy string, with no friends, siblings, or cousins and a strike to prevent me from leaving my house to some Art school or Art galleries, boredom sets in and out of this boredom I emptied 3 cans of crazy string today. This experimentation left me with a whole basket full of crazy strings, An string dangling from a moving fan forming a spiral, Lots and lots of crazy string dust around the room, 3 Cut open cans of crazy stings and the 3 Marbles I found in these cans when I cut them open.

I have photographed the crazy strings in a combination of 3 colors but due to low light I was unable to get a decent picture of the cut open cans, may be tomorrow I will, But for tomorrow I don’t have any more of these crazy strings !

The most stupid scrap on earth.

I found this scrap in my Orkut Scrapbook today:

SEND 12 SCRAPS IF U LOVE ME.
SEND 10 SCRAPS IF U MISS ME.
SEND 8 SCRAPS IF UR MY TRUE FRIEND.
SEND 6 SCRAPS IF U TRUST ME.
SEND 4 SCRAPS IF U JUST LIKE ME.
SEND 2 SCRAPS IF U WANT ME 2B YUR FRIEND.
AND
SEND 0 SCRAPS IF U "HATE ME"....
NOW I M WAITINg 4 YoUR REPLY ....

I cant believe people want me to flood their Scrap Book !

Thought

This is what I always do.
I run after the Shadows,
And they haunt me in return.

Under the scorching sun,
A shadow I see again.
But No! Not This time,
I won't go for it,
I will let it go away.

Me, My Cat and The Lizard !

3 am in the morning, I am laying on my bed reading The Bride (Bapsi Sidhwa), and enjoying every Bit of her composition skills, when my cat suddenly pounces on the lamp which was placed strategically between my and my mom's bed to Illuminate my book only resulting in a shifted light angle which now Illuminates my mom and the cat on her side with a lizard in his mouth.
As soon as I saw this I stood up quickly and shouted on top of my voice " Mom! Get up!! The Cat's Got a lizard in his Mouth…." and almost suddenly she flung away the blanket and got off the bed, By this time the cat had already jumped on the carpet was headed towards the kitchen, so we followed him quickly and blocked his way. I got hold of a small cane and mom held a Broom ( Gharoo). Realizing that he had no chance to enter the Kitchen he raced upstairs to my little "study cum studio" Room and we chased after him. Upon reaching the Study/studio Room we found out that the cat had lost the Grip on the lizard and the half dead thing crawled under my Corner Drawers set. while the cat was Struggling to Grip his pry back, I tilted the Drawers and settled it down side ways, Now I was in side this tiny Room, my Mom just standing Outside the door beside which is this drawer, As soon as I Exposed the underside of the Drawer My cat once again got hold of his pry. Only this time for some strange reason he headed towards me with an almost dead Lizard in his Mouth. I hate Lizards specially when they are half dead and stuck in a cat's Jaw .. So I had no place to run now, seeing my cat approaching me I climbed up on the side table. And said " Shooo !! Shooo.. Get away from me, That’s not my food, eat it or Drop it " .. At that point I think he totally Understood me and agreed to cooperate By racing away and down stares. Where we quickly followed him and let him out in the garden. In the Middle of the Grass he once again let go of his almost dead pry and I quickly covered with a broom ( Gharoo ).. Mom Gripped the cat while I killed the already half dead Lizard and Tossed in the garbage can Out side ( yeah there are no Garbage cans outside, in Karachi and yeah! I Just tossed it Outside and I know it did not land on anyone's head, It just went to our Mini green area right out side).. But the drama does not end here, we Brought the car in and after having a 4am Snack got ready to go to bed again. As I was about to Climb my bed I felt something wet and soft between my feet and the mat, mom turned on the Light and there it was .. I had Squashed a Lizard EGG and the other one was also just there :( .. I washed my feet .. Left the mat out so that it could be washed later, and after an other 4:30 am Quick Snack of a Mars Bar . We finally went to sleep at 5:00 am ..
In the morning at about 9:00 after breakfast we started investigating how the lizard got in our house Only to find that the Screening net of one of the windows to the garden side was damaged.
This Lizard was the one in our garden who used to live by the parrots. So The Lizard is gone, The breach in the Screening is filled and the security is foolproof again .. No Lizards in the house and one outside will remain there for good all thanks to one Brave Cat.. :)

With friends like this !?

Life sucks , sometimes yeah it does..

Someone I knew really came close to me, he was taking admission in NED University to be an architect and as he knew nothing about Art he Started talking help from me, he visited me on daily basis, and I did most of his visual art Assignments, actually all of his visual Arts assignments, His sketching is Horrible, he cant even draw a butterfly, he does not know the difference between 2 dimensional and 3 dimensional. .. So I was helping him out giving him a couple of hours or more daily, But when my father got hurt and most of my time got consumed in helping him out and looking after some of the household work, I had very little time to spent with him, and he instead of helping me out insisted that I write for him, or Complete his home work. And when I told him that I did not get time to have my lunch the whole day and it's already time for my Dinner he argued that that a 4 minute speech will take hardly any time I could squeeze out at least some time for his homework.. The other day he asked me to join him to get some Cartage papers from the art shop, I also had to get my father's medicine so I went out with him, he first went to his apartment and went to the watchman and asked him if he had a Change for a thousand Ruppie when he refused he asked him to again lend him 50 Ruppies (he had taken Rs.50 from the watchman about a month back and had just paid him back). He told him that he will return it when he will be back from the shopping. With this 50 Ruppie note stuffed in his pocket took the driving seat of his car and I accompanied him, we went to this art shop and bought papers and I went to the medical store nearby and bought the medicine I needed, then as usual he asked me if I wanted to have something to eat, well I was feeling a bit hungry so instead of my usual " No " I replied with a "yes lets go to subway" which was very near to this art shop.. I felt that he was a bit surprised at my answer I asked him if it's a problem for him we can skip it or share as I had about 100 left with me after buying the medicine. But he said " No , It’s ok " and I was comfortable with it as I knew he had that Thousand with him .. So we entered the subway where he settled down, he picked up the menu and gave it a good look then he asked how much I had .. I told him I had 100, then he made a phone call to one of his friends and called them at subway, with his replies I noticed that they refused him so he suddenly stood up and asked me follow him, as I came out, he told me that he had no money, which came as a surprise to me ..now I knew he had just paid the watchman 50 Ruppies which he had taken from the poor man a few months back and took them back with such devilish skills .. Wow he was good at it ;)

Any how the next day he again knocked my door and asked me if I had written his 4 minutes Speech, and when I told him I did not get time he was really mad at me.
He said " Now what do u think I will do ? I have to make this speech at the University tomorrow"
I replied " I never took the responsibility of writing any thing for you, I have been telling you how I am hardly getting any time to do my own work "
he said " So you could not even spare 4 minutes for me"
I said "It's not just 4 minutes, and cant you even do your Own home work "
he said " OK, at least give me an advice on the Sofas I Sketched"

When he spread the sheet he had drawn on, it looked as miserable as it could and I told him so. So he replied " would you Sketch this for me because I have to submit it tomorrow"
I replied back " Hey! Don’t you get it, I don’t have time to eat or do my own work and you are asking me to do a 3 hour Job for you ? If I had time I would have been spending it to do my work !!! "

" Ok, Then I will do it " he relied with a bad mood and left.

It had been 3 days now and there is no sign of him, and I am not also calling, Cuz I need friends not masters to slave me, But why does this always happen to me ?

Rhythm Of Life !

A friend of mine ( I have recently meat her ) lost her boy friend a few months back, they were really in love, at least she was really in love with this guy and when he passed away, he left her completely Shattered from inside, She is so shattered that her mind is constantly keeping her confused and sad and questions like " Why did God got them together when he had to take him away from her so soon" and "why some people leave so soon " are haunting her on daily basis. I have been trying to make her step out of her shock, she feel's better one day and the next day she says the same thing again. I have told her to see a Physiologist, I hope she does.

My Khala lost her young Daughter, My other cousins lost both their parents in a time span of 10 years, This Girl lost her love, People Die and they leave a gap behind, and we assume it will never be filled but every thing is working in complete harmony, The rhythm of life never stops, It goes one, and the gap is not actually a gap, it's just a part of this rhythm and so are we.

Defining Silence

Sometimes the silence around me is so defining and hurts me so badly that I wish I could cry, But tears will mean that I am to show my pain to others and that is one thing I don’t want to do, Ever. Because I don’t wanna hurt my parents and friends wont care much about my pain but will be happy as they will certainly know how to use me for their own wants and needs.

I hate friends who are selfish, and there is no other Kind out there or around me that I know of.

Nerve wracking Kids !

Things have been really tough on me for the past few days. After My father's accident I spent 2 days at the Hospital, where I encountered huge Mosquitoes and flirt nurses. At the end of the second day when my Father came home I slept peacefully. It's been almost 14 days now and my father is recovering. From the time he has been shifted to home he is busy dealing with his injuries and I am busy taking care of the Naughty children who come with the visitors to see my father but instead they run all around the house messing with things and opening doors to the places we least expect them to be. It’s been a nerve wreaking experience for me, they have wrecked my cookie jar, they almost walked on me in the bathroom, they have managed to scare my Innocent cat, they have Bathed with the hose in our garden and have run wet all over the carpet, they have spilt kerosene and thinner, and have Squeezed out paint from my oil paint tubes. Today I have packed away every important thing there was in my office (the one in my house), My drawers are firmly locked and the next time a visitor will enter our house with Kids, I will make sure that the kids remain confined to that Office. I even have the Toys there to keep them Busy… .. I hope they don’t wreak the vanishing blinds now :| ..

Most Annoying !

A list of the most annoying things, I encountered in the past few days



1. The Stupid Sweeper of the #2 Hospital ( he was deaf )
2. The slim and flirt nurse who was hitting on me
3. The fat and flirt nurse who called me Chunda.
4. The X-ray technician who was trying to pass him self as "The ward boy" to jab the pain Keller injection.
5. The crazy canteen person who prepared the worst tea on earth, and served Chewy fried bread in the breakfast .
6. The Broken fan speed regulator
7. The busted lift of the hospital # 1
8. The hospital # 2 pharmacy ( It looked like a messy store room )

Special Thanks !

Special Thanks To :

· My cousin Dr.Moin for arraigning a good surgeon
· Again My Cousin Dr.Moin for being the Anesthetist for my father :)
· Dr. Akhtar Khan Raja For successfully and skillfully performing the Operation on my father.
· To the surgeon(Dr. Akhtar Khan Raja) for his convincing and pleasing attitude
· My Cousin Ali Bhi For being there for us the whole time without taking a nap for 48 hours.
· Zafar Bhi for getting the Room ready at home for my father to be shifted in
· Fari Baji and Raeesa Baji for the delicious food :)
· Abdul Jabaar uncle and Farida auntie for there Great help and support :)
· My Khala for being there and praying.
· also all My cousins our Neighbors and friends
· The Taxi Driver who Brought my father home
· And everyone else for praying, visiting and calling.

Thank You All for your support :)

The #$%^$#% Motorcyclist !

Two days back at 2 PM my father was hit by a speeding motorcycle, the accident fractured his left Femur and he was brought home by a taxi driver. We took him to a hospital where he was X-rayed and diagnosed later he was transfused to another hospital where at about midnight he was successfully operated, he was discharged about 15 hours later and now he is on his way to recovery. Doctors have told him not walk for at least 3 weeks.

Motorcyclists in Karachi have become very threatening, They injure, and in some cases kill people, They Rob people off their cash and mobile, they show off dangerously overtaking and squeezing their way through small spaces between speeding cars and huge busses. They carry a their children and wife and sometimes they over load the small bike with more then 5 children and a lady all dangling from and holding on dangerously to the rider and the bike.
Why does the authorities allow this circus to continue it’s threatening and dangerous show on the roads of Karachi? I hope the Motorcyclists realize their responsibility and also I home that the authorities take strict actions against those who break the law… Yeah! I know I am hoping for a miracle, But all I can do is hope and pray.

Recommended Link !

http://www.popcouncil.org/publications/popbriefs/pb11(3)_1.html

Khalish !

An empty space has always been there in my life, I was a fool when I was young, I thought someday the sun will rise and it will make my wish come true, I waited for my father and when ever he was late I hoped he would bring that someone I wished so much for. As I grew up I started seeing that very someone in every good looking face, I never allowed my parents to know what I was thinking, I never gave them the slightest hint and controlled my expressions forbidding them to be visible on my face or in my attitude, people often took advantage of this but then I know how much of an advantage to give them.

Today I know the thing I hoped for is not that simple, people are never what they seem, No one can be trusted, Friends need money and good people don’t exist. After being Burnt, Stabbed, Kicked, Robbed and humiliated in all the ways possible I realize that there will never be that some one who I could call my sibling.

But sometimes I still hope ...

Protest or violence ?

The offensive caricatures have violated the religious believes of all the Muslims around the world. It is time for the Muslims of the whole world to protest and prove the world that Islam is a peace loving religion, the need is not to show anger or hatred but to protest the violation and humiliation of our religious believes. Pakistan has Joint the protest against the caricatures a little late, but the kind of show the people of Pakistan have put up can not be termed as protest, it is violence. This violence is casting a negative picture of Pakistan, proving it's people violent and extremists. They are destroying theirs own country and hurting their own people (the fellow Muslims). I hope the government take stern steps to stop this Violence and the Muslim Ummah guide people and show them a more effective and civilized way of protesting their rights, I also hope Denmark feel the responsibility of the un rest and wave of anger and distress caused by their news paper's offensive caricature and realize the difference between Freedom of press and freedom to offend.

I recommend !

Book: "Taboo" a research by Dr. Fauzia's Published by Oxford University Press.

Bride Search !

My first protest against the social system started when My auntie was searching for a bride for my cousin ( US returned Doctor ), I was about 12 years old at that time and this was the third house my auntie had visited with us that day , These people belonged to a lower middle class family, they were poor their house had very simple and modest furniture. The father of the (To be) bride gave us all a warm welcome and treated us like Lords, We were served Coke and a lavish brunch which I know was very hard for these people to afford. We were about ten people who were visiting their house for the first time to inspect the girl, previously my auntie and uncle had visited them alone and had indicated some interest.

As we started stuffing our selves with the Kabab, Samosa, haleem, Coke and many other edibles My uncle asked the Father of the bride what he was planning to give to his daughter on her weeding in response the father of the bride humbly told my uncle that he will give his daughter everything he could afford, On this my uncles response was both shocking and disgrace full, my uncle said " won't you give your daughter a new car ?" The father of the bride was a gentle man he replied in a very soft tone that he could not afford it.

This conversation made me feel like I was stuck in the most awkward position, the Embracement I faced that day was worst then any punishment I ever had faced in school,

but the brute does not end here The Girl was brought in front of us she was a nice person she served my Uncle tea and went to the other room where all the ladies were after some time we left their house On our way back these were the comments passed about the girl by some of the people who were with us

1. Her completion is too dark
2. She is a little short
3. Her teeth look Odd
4. They are very poor so they must not have taught her good manners. ( because there was a bit of tea in one saucer )
5. She will not be suit a well educated Doctor because her looks are not that good
6. Her cloths were too ordinary
7. She was Flat ( yes that is exactly what they said )

That is all I could remember.

These people were told " We are not Interested " the next time they called my auntie

For my and my mom protest I told mom that I will not accompany her if she will decide to go on any other such trip and my mom told her sister that she will not accompany her on a bride hunt ever again.

This event forced my mom to write an article which got printed in a local magazine, On the other hand it made me realize what it is like for a girl to be rejected. Since then I discussed many such Problems with my mother I often used to ask her questions like " Why widows cant get married or earn a living for them selves." . "Why working women are looked upon as bad women" Ect, also a year (or so) a teacher of mine told us how we always rifer to humans by the word He or MEN or Man kind in English literature , since then I started to write human beings instead of " men kind " and was once scolded by my English teacher I remember he once told me " I do not need philosophy from you, I want plain English !" .

Today Time has given my views a new Dimension and I ask people what they mean when they say the word bad women, I ask why we always judge a women's character the moment we see her, even if she is not related to us we still say " She looks like a Bad women ( Do number lagti hai )", Allah has blessed me with a vision and I am thankful of him for that, I try to argue and make people realize where they are wrong and I try to correct my own self when I feel that I have my self made a mistake.

I am not a writer I cant even read correctly but feel things most people don’t, I see things most people don’t may be it is because I had spent a lot of time alone, almost the whole of my childhood. And I am thankful To Allah for this blessing.


P.S. I wrote the whole topic in a haste so it might have some errors please ignore them or you may also point them out to me (will make my work more easy) ;).

I am against Patriarchy and more !

My auntie who lost her daughter about a month back bursted into tears when she entered our house. The last she had come with My cousin when she was alive and both the daughter and mother had a great time, But now My Auntie (Khala) is looking so lonely. And also a bit too contented with her life so contended that it feels that she is tired of her life. Her elder daughter had asked my auntie to stay with her but Khala thinks that it will look odd to live in her daughters' house also she is afraid that My cousins Husband and his family might not like it. But what about humanity, I think " To hell with the world Your daughter and her husband are willing to keep you at there place for a few months so why not, at least you will have the company of your daughter and your grand Children" But I am told I don’t know how things work I really I don’t know how things work and I don’t care a damn how things work all I care is what should be and should not be, there are things which are so wrong and we follow that wrong just for the sake of the people.

I hate people, I hate all those norms and I hate all those customs which make me feel bad and guilty, which make me do wrong which prevent me from doing right.

With Sorrow I have not expressed to any one and an urge to rip apart this cruel system I condemn and appose those who are the followers of the followings Norms


· Only a man and his family members can approach a girls' s family for marriage.
· The man to be married is granted his wish of the amount of money or Business or what ever he wishes for.
· If a girl's family approaches an boy's family it is thought that The Girl must have some fault in her " Larki main Koiee Aab hoo ga "
· Smoking is Taboo for females
· Virginity is only must for females
· If she talks a lot she has no shame
· If she is too sweet spoken she is sweet knife ( Meethee Churee )
· After marriage her parents have no or very little right on her.
· After marriage the daughter of the house is given off to her groom and she is told that "now your dead body will leave your husband's house".
· she is doomed to work as a slave in her husband's house and cant turn professional until her husband is as dead as a door nail.
· Lady is a sandal of foot if she does not fit change it ( Eeerr !! Aren’t you calling your mom a sandal? )
· Lady is an indoor Plant . ( I heard that one On GEO a few days back )
· If a lady is raped it's her fault. If a girl child is raped it's still her fault
· If a female is raped her honor is lost. ( hay how about the criminals Honor ? )

I guess the list is way too bog to finish in one go .. And it is extremely sad that all these elements are a part of our society.

P.S: Ooh God! I feel so good letting all my rage flow through Words!

Thank you China !

I bought a FM radio from a Friday Market, I spent 75 Rupies on this tiny Made in China Radio but much to my surprise it is working better then My Branded MP3 player's Radio. Also it has been almost a weak since I have bought that thing and in just 7 days I am really hooked to FM89 , or am I badly addicted to it ? .. What ever, The radio is working Fine and I am getting good music and gossip 24/7 every where, any where without any distortion !!

Thank you China !

Plastic Hearts

Plastic Hearts-II
Originally uploaded by Jamash.

Everything is turning plastic, and so are hearts.

His Water Broke !?

I have an small office in my house, I use it to deal with my very limited clients. Today a neighbor of mine came to me. He had to make an urgent phone call as he was due to leave for USA tonight on a visa sent to him by his brother and had to inform the news to one of his relative in some other city. so I seated him in that office and served him a glass of water. Then I left to get coffee for both of us while he started dialing, as soon as I exited my office and reached the other door to my Living room just a few steps away, I heard a crashing sound form the office. I Abruptly Asked "Everything ok ? " The reply from him was the least I had expected he shouted back " Yes! My water Broke !" .. I could hardly stop my self from laughing so I ran as far away from him as I could and literally exploded by the time I was in the Kitchen. The Grin on my face lasted the whole time I had coffee with him keeping him .

Ohh God ! I so wanted to rush him to a maternity home.

Another wonderful Book Launched

Congratulations to Ameena Saiyid on launching yet another wonderful book from the platform of Oxford University Press Pakistan. Haji Sir Abdullah Haroon has played a great role in the history of Pakistan His Biography not only highlights his contribution to Pakistan (and Sindh) but also sets an example for all of us to. "Sir Haji Abdullah Haroon ( the Biography) " is an important part of our history and through this book we will never forget him and his work for our country.

Pakistan is fortunate to have people like Ameena Saiyid who are working not only to promote a positive view of Pakistan but also to prevent and promote it's Cultural values and heritage through books which are being read world wide. Ameena Saiyid from the platform of OUP has launched several wonderful books like Laila Shezada, We have learned nothing from history, Work of Faiz Ahmed Faiz, The Art Of Mussulmans in Spain (by Shahid Suhrawardy),beloved city (Writings on Lahore Edited By Bapsi Sidhwa) and so many more. I am sure our next generation will be even more grateful for the great work she is doing for Pakistan.

Thank You !

T.V s gone blank !

Cables have gone blank- Let them be this way ..Pemra should Issue a Notification that if they the cable operators don't start Cable services in 12 hours their licenses will be canceled .. If they don’t start Cable network in 12 hours with out that Damn Star Plus Pemra should Cancel their Licenses. We Don’t want Indian Glamour Culture to over ride Our own cultural values! Do we ?

I need a good night sleep! Please.

You know ? I have a cat, His name is Chaan Maan. He is very playful and cute but sometimes I hate him, Specially when at 3 am He Jumps over me waking me up and if I am too sleepy to respond to that he goes straight to the top of the couch and tries to knock down my paintings and even if that doesn't, work he goes straight to the lounge, Climbs up the TV then further up at the tube light from where he travels to the wall mounted Rack and enters the Top shelf from where he kick's down our decoration peaces sending them crashing down to the ground waking not only us but also our neighbors. Last night This is exactly what happened and I had to take him out to the garden to give him a few good runs. Imagine me running after a cat at 3: am in the cold. After running for a while he came back in Cleaned up his dish filled with tuna and went to sleep, It was easy for him to sleep back but I stayed up till after breakfast and went to sleep again at 8:00 waking up 2 hours later because I had to attend a meeting .. :( ..

About My cousin

I try not to post any sad news on the Blogs, some time back I had requested all the Bloggers and the flikerers to pray for my cousin. My cousin who was about 22 ( 25 to be exact ) was the youngest among all her siblings and the most loved child of her parents. She had a fever and after about 7 days of fever she was admitted to Aghakhan Hospital where she remained in ICU for 19 days. On the 20th of December, 2005 she Died peacefully leaving us all sad and shocked behind her. The caused of her death was Dengue haemorrhagic fever.

May Allah bless her soul.

Guys are crazy !

Yeah! For sure my life is getting crazier every day. Today some one added me to yahoo Friend list, after a short hi he asked for my ASL then later he Asked where I lived and what I did and then after about a 10 Mins of conversation he asked me my address … Me on the other hand after freaking out at his last Question deleted him and blocked him and went to my yahoo profile to check what in the world attracted him to add me as a friend .. After going through my profile several times I realized that I had left the gender undefined..

I am a Guy my self but DAMN! Guys are crazy !!