Wednesday, October 05, 2016

I have no right ...

Is it really a need for people to share their hurt and joys ? is it really necessary to tell someone when you hit your toe on a rock and start to bleed ? do you really need to say "OUCH" out loud and get everyone worried around you ? its like been an attention seeker but sometimes you see a well and you want to shout in it to hear your own voice echo back , but if the well is not dead enough, you end up with a silence in return of your cried and its walls start to cave in, the fishes in the water down billow get scared, they absorb all your pain and smell your fear, they get scared and try to go deeper under under the water.

It is really better no to scream too loud specially when you know your voice is too loud and painful, bet when it remains within it bounces off your own walls, echos in your own brain, the silence starts to shatter you from the inside. but in the end its your own pain your own hurt and you cant just hurt others with your ugly horrid shrikes. i don't think one has a right to do that . yes it takes some courage to absorb all that pain and noise, but i have been doing it since ages, and ages. yes i have been doing that since shortly after i was born than why to give up this habit, why to make others life miserable others who just extended a helping hand and i was soon crying loud enough to shatter their ear drums , and i expect them not to even plug their ears shut to listen to each and every note which jolts not only their ears but also their hearts and brains .

No i actually i don't have, or i should say i shouldn't make it painful for others who care for me, I have no right to repay them with pain, i dont have a right to expect them to heal me, i have no right to cause others pain for my hurts ..

Saturday, January 29, 2011

I have no right ...

Is it really a need for people to share their hurt and joys ? is it really necessary to tell someone when you hit your toe on a rock and start to bleed ? do you really need to say "OUCH" out loud and get everyone worried around you ? its like been an attention seeker but sometimes you see a well and you want to shout in it to hear your own voice echo back , but if the well is not dead enough, you end up with a silence in return of your cried and its walls start to cave in, the fishes in the water down billow get scared, they absorb all your pain and smell your fear, they get scared and try to go deeper under under the water.

It is really better no to scream too loud specially when you know your voice is too loud and painful, bet when it remains within it bounces off your own walls, echos in your own brain, the silence starts to shatter you from the inside. but in the end its your own pain your own hurt and you cant just hurt others with your ugly horrid shrikes. i don't think one has a right to do that . yes it takes some courage to absorb all that pain and noise, but i have been doing it since ages, and ages. yes i have been doing that since shortly after i was born than why to give up this habit, why to make others life miserable others who just extended a helping hand and i was soon crying loud enough to shatter their ear drums , and i expect them not to even plug their ears shut to listen to each and every note which jolts not only their ears but also their hearts and brains .

No i actually i don't have, or i should say i shouldn't make it painful for others who care for me, I have no right to repay them with pain, i dont have a right to expect them to heal me, i have no right to cause others pain for my hurts ..

Monday, July 26, 2010

The struggle of my grand parents

The year was 1950, when my Grand father Tufail Ahmed, with his 4 daughters, and 4 sons and a wife. And his brother with his 2 sons, and our other members of the family set foot in the newly found nation Pakistan.

In the Uttar Pradesh India, Meerut was the city where this family called home. Tufail Ahmed and his brother were a tailors by profession who sewed clothes to earn a living. Tufail had a house two portions of which were rented out, to contribute to his earnings. But after 1947, since every one of the family was moving to Pakistan, and the situation was getting more tense, and each day more difficult to survive in India, they had to make the tough decision to migrate to the land of the pure.

Leaving all the property, and every thing behind my grandfather and his brother left for Pakistan. Being a tailor and coming to a new city life had staked a pile of challenges for him to deal with the moment he set his foot in Karachi. The house to shelter his eight kids was made of mug walls and straw roof. To keep his family feed he sew clothes, his eldest son helped him in his work, so did the one younger than him. The son older than the youngest one worked at a tea stall and than at some other place.

Tufail could only afford education for his youngest son and the youngest of his daughters, My mother. The whole of his family were against the thought that being a women my mother should be educated. But her parents and all her siblings supported the idea and stood bold and strong by their decision.

At that time a lot of people suggested that my grand father should claim his property he left back in India, and each time he told them that He had didn’t left anything behind, he just gave it all to his cousin who was left behind in India. He was happy that he had the land of pure to breath freely, he wanted nothing more from Pakistan.

My mother grew up surrounded by mud walls , while straw sheltered her from the son, she remember bringing mud and stones for her mother so she could keep repair and the mud walls built strong around the family. My mother remembers when it rained, they used to put everything on the cots, to keep them from drowning in the water. The rain often used to bring down the mud walls, which were rebuilt once the rain was over.

In this mud house, my mother not only learned to read and write but also to cherish the little joys of life, be content with what one gets, and to be thankful to Allah and also to enjoy the blessings he had given to this family. They laughed they cried, at times they slept without food but my mother even now when she looks back at that time of her childhood she says she never felt she had anything missing. The love, joys, and the carefree days of her childhood are the things she miss the most about her past, but the only think she regrets is that her mother passed away without a solid roof on her head.

My grand mother was also a remarkable women, she worked day and night, erected walls out of mud and rocks, cooked for the whole family burning wood and blowing through a pipe to keep the flame burning, sacrificing for her children, and boldly battling through all the odds without giving a single frown. She taught her children to love, sacrifice respect and care for other's feelings. She always ate the leftovers and fed the fresh food to her kids. She let them have the fresh fruit and chose to keep the rotten ones for her self. She never let the food go to waste, the stale bread and rice too was processed and fed to the birds.

My grand father worked day and night married off his all kids, the son were given rooms adding walls to the same mud and rock structure. The three alder girls too were wedded off. Some years after their marriage two of the sons moved to proper houses in different parts of Karachi. Others followed later. My moms elder sister wedded to a doctor also soon moved to a proper house and Later in the end my mom was wedded off too and soon after that my grand mother passed away.

My moms biggest regret to this day is that her mother didn’t get to leave that hut where she spent her whole life struggling, without electricity, clean water or basic necessities of life, that today we take for granted. My grand father moved to one of his sons house, where he spent almost 20 yeas in good health before he passed away.

The whole life time of my grand parents passed in an struggle and hard work, raising their children with hard earned money, enabling them to be able to break out and make their own homes and raise their children with proper education their parents couldn’t afford for them. The most remarkable part of the whole story was that none of the children of my grand parents ever resorted to any un fair means of earning. They all worked hard to raise their kids, stood strong through all thick and thins and provided for their children the best they could. They never bowed to any one, never took any loans, never asked anyone for help or support. It was just their hard work and determination which enabled them to complete a success story they started of a new beginning with a new nation.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

A note to someone :

People are stupid, they have always been. Wisdom only comes from individuals .. Just don’t be the people. ;)

Sunday, December 24, 2006

Not Moving but...

I have cold again, it's making me crave for chocolate fudge cake. Thanks to the cold my post count at KMB has dropped :(. I hate cold…

Pkblogs has gone crazy, it's annoying me. I cant post any comments on my blog, I can only read them because I get them on mail..

I am using Olympus FE-100 which is a 4.0 megapixel AF camera, all my photos on http://www.flickr.com/photos/jamash/ are taken from the same camera.

I am not moving to http://jamash.wordpress.com but I am planning to use it for some time.

Friday, December 22, 2006

I feel like crap.

All this nothingness is killing me, I am bored to death, I need to get out of this shell, I need to explore my self. And no I did not call Sabahat, to get me fixed with a director, and I never will.…. and yes I want to make a documentary but I need something more then a handy cam and I need a good sound recording system not the one which comes built in with the little handy cam… and I desperately need a DSLR and no I am not going to do back breaking web designing work just to sell a web site for 500 only…..

Ooh God I am so twisted ……, I need to get out, I need to do something, sitting at home all day and being able to do nothing is killing me bit by bit, like I am being slow poisoned, the shyness and loneliness in mounting, the drugs which were supposed to make my cold go away are making me miserable, my head is aching like hell and I need to get my self up and started…. Damn My life is Crap..

Somebody please push me off a cliff or drop me down from a multi story building, or can anyone just jump start me ? ……. Ooh !!! I sound so pathetic … :( *sob*.

Friday, December 08, 2006

A Dozen Useless Things I bought Today.

I bought a dozen of useless things today. Here's the list,

1. A baby rattle for which I don’t know where to find a baby,

2. A USB vacuum cleaner, which just makes a lot of noise and works not a bit

3. A Pack of incense sticks which are making my allergy even worst,

4. A set of bowl mugs which can hold around 800 ml of coffee for me,

5. Four packs of post it notes while I already have 4 new packs,

6. A pack of pencils and I already have new pack

7. Telephone index and yes I already have a large one, a pocket size and an extra digital.

8. A pack of ribbon, this one was actually to play with my cat but the ribbon is giving off paint so I don’t know what to do with it

9. Two 2007 calendars, yeah it not new year yet and I will surely get least about five complimentary calendar before the new year will even start, but yet I had to buy them.

10. A big red wrench and I already have two in my tool box.

11. A strobe light for my car but I hate it and will never really use it (They look so cheep :( ).

12. A litter of ice cream, I wont but my uncle will sure eat this one :)


Yeah I am not yet off the drugs, The antihistamine makes me dizzy, it makes my life miserable, I cant even think straight…. I hope this explains the crazy shopping list above.